Troll 2 (1990)

troll2poster1star

When I was a kid, I had nightmares about all kinds of fictional creatures; the werewolf from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban being the most terrifying of all. However, after seeing Troll 2, I’ve realized that what I should have been afraid of was terrible movies made about these creatures.

Troll 2 is about a family from a small town who participates in an “exchange program” – some made-up idea where two families swap houses for a period of time. The Waits family is headed for a town called Nilbog…or “goblin” spelled backwards. Throughout the trip, Joshua (the youngest son) is contacted by his dead Grandpa Seth, who continually warns Joshua to have the family leave Nilbog. Meanwhile, Joshua’s sister Holly is going through relationship troubles. Elliot, her boyfriend, has…gasp…friends! Before the Waits depart for Nilbog, Holly tells Elliot he must choose between her or his friends. So naturally, Elliot follows the family to Nilbog in an RV…with his friends. I would credit the actors, but that would just be embarrassing for them.

Before you get your hopes up; there are no trolls in this movie. Only goblins. “Terrifying” goblins. Goblins that can’t eat meat. Goblins that feed humans their goblin goop to turn the humans into vegetables. Apparently, turning humans into plants and then eating them is much better than just eating regular plants.

Award-winning costumes?
Award-winning costumes?

Many terrible movies have at least one saving grace. Troll 2, however, is utterly and completely abysmal. The acting is horrible. The costuming is cheap and unbelievable. The writing is completely terrifying, and the plot itself is full of holes.

For example, when the family arrives at the house in Nilbog they find food on the table. The food is visibly covered in green stuff (which would be a warning sign to any normal family), but the family sits down to eat anyways. Suddenly, grandpa Seth appears to Joshua and tells him that he cannot let the family eat the food. Somehow, Grandpa Seth freezes time for 30 seconds just when the rest of the family is about to put the food in their mouths. During this thirty seconds, Joshua must stop his family from eating. So what does he do? He pees on the food. I actually almost peed myself while laughing over the ridiculousness.

Worst rescue scene ever...
Worst rescue scene ever…

Troll 2 was directed by Drake Floyd, a pseudonym for Claudio Fragasso. Fragasso is an Italian porn director, which does explain the terrible script and plot. However, I still think there should have been someone there to stop him from making this terrible movie. Rather than give this film zero stars, I’ll give it one –  because I did spend most of the movie laughing my ass off at how bad it was. In fact, Troll 2 might actually be the worst movie that was ever made. Don’t believe me? Watch it for yourself…if you have the time to waste.

Here’s the trailer, for your convenience.

See IMDb Page

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